I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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