Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
