People in love make me want to vomit
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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