mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
