I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
