Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
