You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
