I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
