I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
