I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
