Hey man sorry I got all grabby
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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