He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
