I wish I could teleport
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
