Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
