I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
