hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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