Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this boner is exhausting
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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