Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize