3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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