Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
