no, he came in my armpit
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
