I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
