Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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