Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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