Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
