I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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