I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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