don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
