It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
