Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is wine microwaveable?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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