I want to stick my p in your. b.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
