I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
