D3 body, D1 cock
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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