then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
