I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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