Apparently you make a good broom.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
