I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
