So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
