Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
