and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize