Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
