Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
