hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So many bounce houses so little time
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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