everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
