someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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