Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
