why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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