so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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