his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
