I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
