Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
