my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
