I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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