There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
