I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
