I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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