Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
