you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
