I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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